I think this one of those laws of nature that no one can really fully grasp.

I am trying to understand why, or rather how it is, that a little small 4 year old

turns into an octopus

when she crawls into my bed with me.

As you probably guessed, I did not get much sleep last night. (I’m not complaining because my husband got even less as he tried to sleep on airplane.) I am however the proud owner of a crick in my neck from sleeping on about 1 square inch of bed most of the night. Thankfully, I have no visible welts or black and blue marks from the beating I got from two little arms and two little legs all night.

Yes, yes, it’s my fault that I let her come into bed with me if she wakes up and my hubby is away on business. But she is so cute, and sometimes annoying, when she falls asleep while rubbing my hair in between her fingers.

I just find it truly amazing how much room little kids can take up.

Is it just me, or do your kids take up what seems like a lot more room than they should given their size?

Image:
TAKEOVER i
© ARTS | Flickr Creative Commons

To gain proficiency at something, you need practice.

Doesn't my cousin look so happy practicing?

There is nothing in life that we can do perfectly well (aside from maybe breathing), that we haven’t had to practice to get better at. Eating, walking, talking, throwing a ball, writing, reading…. You get the picture.

Yet, so many of us are impatient. We learn a new skill and we want to be perfect from day one. We want do something new and we want to know how to do it perfectly right away.

Or maybe it is just me.

And then again maybe not.

It has taken a lot longer than the impatient me ever imagined I thought it would, yet after about three months, I can say I think I have finally mastered putting in infusions using a portacath. It was not an easy feat and it was so frustrating especially in the beginning. I actually remember thinking when the heck am I going to get the hang of this. I was able to master the technique pretty quickly, it just did not come naturally or easily and it was so painfully slow.

All it took was practice and more practice and more practice. And now it’s quick and easy and flows.

Kind of like most worthwhile things in life.

What skills do you have that took a bit of practice?

I don’t know who wrote the story below. I wish I did so I could give them the credit they deserve.

Today is my husband’s birthday. Unfortunately, he is also about 6,000 miles away, away on business.

I was thinking about what I wanted to write to him and wish him and this anecdote was the one that stuck in my mind.

ROCKS, PEBBLES, SAND

A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When class began, wordlessly he picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks right to the top, rocks about 2″ diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them in to the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. The students laughed. He asked his students again if the jar was full? They agreed that yes, it was.

The professor then picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

“Now,” said the professor, “I want you to recognize that this is your life. The rocks are the important things – your family, your partner, your health, your children – anything that is so important to you that if it were lost, you would be nearly destroyed. The pebbles are the other things in life that matter, but on a smaller scale. The pebbles represent things like your job, house, or car. The sand is everything else, the small stuff.”

If you put the sand or the pebbles into the jar first, there is no room for the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your energy and time on the small stuff, (material things), you will never have room for the things that are truly most important.

***** Pay attention to the things that are critical in your life.******

Play with your children.
Take good care of your health.
Take time to really love your partner.
Tell, and show, those special friends that you love them.

There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, play a game, watch TV, and send emails.

***** Take care of the rocks first – the things that really matter.****

Set your priorities, the rest is just pebbles and sand.

So to my husband- Have a very happy birthday even without me. I love you and I will try to remember (even when I have a gazillion things going on) to put you and the kids first.

Do you manage to put the rocks in your life first? Or do you worry too much about the pebbles and sand?

SIMPLE MESSAGE

© Ekaterina Ponomareva | Dreamstime.com

If you are open to hearing other peoples’ points of views and taking their advice, then two heads are better than one.

In this case I am actually hoping there will be a lot more than two heads to help me brainstorm and give me some advice.

Jon Morrow over at Guest Blogging wrote a post about guest blogging and offered people advice. So I asked Jon a question. (As did a gazillion other people so Jon must not be sleeping very much.)

Excuse the poor quality of the “pictures”.

A few days later I got back this answer:

So my question is what benefit do you get from reading my blog? Is there anything I can do to make it clearer? Is there anything else you would like to see me writing about that I am not writing about?

As far as putting Oprah and Howard Stern in the same sentence, Jon, that was pure blasphemy. I will take that sentence as a challenge though and one day maybe people will stick around just because of my personality.

We all have a blind spot. Sometimes, people who know us well will see a quality or a talent in us that we don’t see. Sometimes brainstorming with others also helps you figure things out when you are looking for a new direction in life.

Have you had situations where brainstorming with others helped you out?

If you are looking for a new direction in your work life, check out Steve Roy’s blog about changing your life aptly named, Ending The Grind. His mission is to change his life for the better and to try and help others who want to do the same. And today, you will find me over there as well.

I am looking forward to hearing your feedback and advice and like always thanks for reading and commenting and stopping by.

I think that most (if not all of us) of us like to help. We feel good about ourselves and about life after we have helped someone in even a small way.

If it’s true that helping someone out makes people feel good, why do so many of us have a problem asking for or receiving help?

It is not just about receiving actual help, it can even be something as simple as receiving a compliment. I don’t know about men, but most women I know have a compliment accepting defect. “This old thing? Pah, I have had it for ages.” “Lost weight? Nah, I gained weight.” And on and on.

The trouble is that in order to truly be able to give, you need to know how to receive as well. (A lesson that was a hard one for me to learn.) People prefer to get help from someone they know will allow them to reciprocate. Someone, who they know is sincere because they know that the person knows how to receive as well as to give.

I am not saying that someone will never accept help from someone who won’t allow them to reciprocate, I am saying that the givers of the help are those that miss out.

Giving is a two way street. In order to give you need to know how to get.
You need to know how it feels to be on the receiving end. It is what helps you be a more sensitive giver.

How did you guys all do with this week’s Kindness Club Week 26 prompt of letting someone help you?

Go on and write a post about your experiences.
Or you can capture the prompt as a photograph.

Or just comment below. I have done away with the Mclinky, you can leave your links in the comment section instead.

Quite often I have more than one title for a blog post in my head when I write them. This post was no exception. My original title was: Facing Your Own Mortality Takes Guts. You can see why I changed it. It sounded like a bit of downer, although for me, the title was actually inspirational.

Yesterday I had the privilege of having a long conversation with a patient who is losing his battle with cancer. As he said (I’m paraphrasing from Hebrew), “I know the gig is almost up.” Through our conversation, I once again learned about some of the thoughts people facing their imminent death have and what a whirlpool of feelings they are experiencing. I don’t think there is anything harder than to take a good hard look at your life, and realize how much more time you wish you had because there is so much you have left to do while knowing that your physical condition is so weakened that there isn’t much else you can do, at least physically.

You question the meaning of life. You question whether or not you made a difference. (And by the way, hundreds or thousands of people can tell you how much of a difference you made to them, if you don’t feel like you did it doesn’t matter what anyone else says.) You are afraid. You keep your feelings in as well as letting your feelings show. There are some things you choose to share with others while there are some things you keep to yourself to spare those you love from the pain.

There is no one right way to cope and deal with things. What I do know is that being able to talk about your mortality when you know the end is not so far away is brave, inspiring and can help you and your loved ones achieve some closure and even some peace.

What I learned from my conversation with this gentleman, and he is a true gentleman, is that it takes guts to share your feelings and to face your fears. Even more so, I learned that each day should be lived like it is our last, without regrets and with happiness joy and fulfillment.

Are you living your life like that? If not, what steps can you do to change it?

Sending extra hugs to milktomarketing who is going through something similar with a person she loves very much.

Image:
Mountain Biking Deer Creek Trail
© Trailsource.com | Flickr creative Commons

It has been a really long time, 15 weeks long, since my last Kindness Club prompt. I don’t know exactly why I have been absent for so long especially since I really believe in the amazing power of kindness.

So I am back. The last Kindness Club prompt was to repay an act of kindness to someone who has shown you kindness.  This week’s prompt is something a bit harder, something that many people have a problem with.

This week’s prompt is to let someone help you.

I am not talking about things that you would normally let people help you with. I am talking about really letting go and accepting help from someone for something you can use help with.

One thing I have been learning the past few months is that if you want to know how to truly give, you need to learn to how to receive, not just how to give. It sounds a lot easier to do than it is.

Write a blog post about your kindness experiences. Or you can choose to capture the spirit of the weekly prompt in a photograph ala Tara Cain’s Gallery at Sticky Fingers.

Come back on Sunday to link up your posts and pictures in the comments section.

Image:
Give & Get
© urban_data | Flickr Creative Commons

A few days ago, I was reminded once again how a simple gesture can have such great meaning behind it.

I started working in outpatient oncology a few months ago. On one of my first days at work, a new patient came in, a young mother in her early thirties. She has been getting chemo now for a few months and while she is a very warm person, she is also very reserved.

I always hug her when she comes in. (It’s just my way, I guess.) A week and a half ago I ended up having a long heart to heart conversation with her. I knew she appreciated it and I knew it left her thinking a bit.

A few days ago, I was at the nurse’s station preparing a treatment. I had my back to the opening of the nurse’s station. All of a sudden, someone came up from behind me, wrapped their arms around me and gave me a big kiss on the cheek. (I don’t know how it is in the rest of the world or in other wards, but here and definitely in oncology, that is something that no ones feels uncomfortable with.)

I was surprised, yet nothing prepared me for the surprise I felt when I turned around and saw who had given me the hug and kiss. It was the same woman who up until now had never been the one to initiate a show of emotion. Yet that simple gesture told a different story. It told a story of a woman who had let down her barriers and was extending me an invitation into her circle of trust.

I am not embarrassed to say I cried. I found it so touching and so amazing how one simple gesture can have such great meaning, both in the “story” it told and the “story” I heard from the hug. The gift she gave me with that hug was powerful, it reminded me what it was I love about being a nurse.

I know that this experience reminded me how much we can communicate to each other in simple yet deep and meaningful ways.

Have you ever had an experience when something simple or seemingly trivial made a big difference to you?

MOTHER WITH SON
© Pavel Losevsky | Dreamstime.com

Can you guess that we were at a cafe this morning and had really really lousy service?

Today is kid #4′s birthday. We let him stay home from school and we decided to go out with him for breakfast. (Here Friday mornings are like Sunday mornings in the normal parts rest of the world.)

We went to a cafe not too far away. From beginning to end the service was really lousy. We had to wait to be seated. When they finally sat us (in the gorgeous sun outside), another waitress came over and told us to move because a different couple had been waiting for this table. She was rude and unapologetic and she should have first checked with the hostess and have had the hostess speak to us about moving.

We went to sit indoors. The chairs were comfortable and aside from the fact that the chocolate souffle for dessert was really good, that was the only other complimentary thing I had to say. The food took forever, when it finally came the order was messed up, and then messed up again. The eggs were bought out before the breads and salads. By the time the bread came, we were almost finished with the eggs. The inside of the bread was cold and on and on.

The bill then came, with a mistake. Obviously, being the honest people we are, we told them they had made a mistake. That was a mistake because it took another 15 minutes for them to bring us back the corrected bill and we were itching to get out of there.

On the way out I asked to speak to the guy who was obviously a manager who had helped us out a bit while we were trying to get service. He was not around, so I asked for his cell phone number. It turns out that he was the division supervisor of this particular cafe franchise.

I called him, told him I was never planning on coming back to this cafe, yet I wanted to give him feedback because if it was me, I would want the feedback. He listened, he agreed with everything and explained that there was a problem right now with the chef and the kitchen in that branch and that was why he had been there that morning to see what needed to be done to fix the problems.

Obviously, he also offered us a complimentary meal so that we can come back after the problems are fixed and let them know whether things were improved. I am not so sure how soon we will put ourselves through that again want to go back there and besides the point was not to get anything out of “complaining.” If that is what we wanted, we would have found the manager during the meal and would probably not have had to pay.

For me, giving feedback was about letting someone else know what they could have done better. I can’t say the experience wasn’t frustrating and a tad bit annoying. (If you ask my husband, he probably has more choice words than that.) The point was not to complain just for the sake of complaining. I know that if I do something in a way that could use improvement (and certainly major improvement), I would want someone to tell me face to face. That gives a person the chance to change things and be aware of things.

So what do you do when you receive bad service? Do you take the time to give feedback? If you do give feedback, what are your motives for giving them? (To complain, to get freebies, to give the feedback so changes can be made or something else?)

On the bright side, my son had a good time. Your parents’ undivided attention is never a bad thing.

Besides, he also learned about service and tipping and how little you tip when the service stinks and what you normally tip. (What do you guys do about tipping when the service stinks?)

CAFE SIGN
© Graham Prentice | Dreamstime.com

Happy Blogversary to Me!

One year, 298 posts on this blog.

I can’t believe it has been a year since I started blogging. It seems like forever, yet at the same time it feels like it was only yesterday. (Kind of like how I feel about my oldest son. I don’t know how he is 20 already, he was just born.)

Anyways, it has been a heck of a year and I have learned a lot about myself, other people, technology, social media and the world. I think that blogging is truly a microcosm of the world we live in. There are so many different types of people, blogs, styles and points of view out there.

It is more than just that though. There are so many things you can learn about life through blogging.

And since this is a blog about the lessons I learn from life, here are 12 things (one for each month) that I have learned from blogging this past year.

***

• Be Authentic and Be You

For me personally, being able to be myself and be true to myself was something very important  to me in the whole blogging process.

***

• Don’t Be Afraid To Ask

Learn to ask for help and for advice even from people you think are unreachable because they are way more successful than you. Remember, no one can tell you yes, if you don’t ask.

Not being afraid to is how I ended up writing the Back Away From The Donut blog with Kat from 3 Bedroom Bungalow. That’s also how I ended writing on Mad Manic Mamas and Mumable as well as a whole bunch of guest posts on lots of different blogs.

***

• Receiving a “No” Is Not The End Of The World

This kind of relates to don’t be afraid to ask. There are plenty of times when you will be brave enough to ask someone for something and the answer you will receive is no. Big deal. You have lost nothing you didn’t already have.

***

• Set Goals For Yourself Or At Least Have A Direction

You can’t get somewhere without knowing where you are headed. Some people blog as free therapy, some to improve their writing, some to interact with people, some to try and make a difference, some to make money…..The list goes on and on and in many combinations. Know what it is you what to get out of whatever you are doing, be it blogging or anything else.

***

• Don’t Judge Yourself In Comparison To Other People

Some of us have a miserable trait of doing amazing things and being happy about them until we see someone else who is doing or succeeding in doing what we want to do or they are doing it much better than we are.

I have learned I am much happier not making comparisons between how I am doing things and how others are.

***

• Clear The Air As Soon As Possible

Even in person but especially online, it is so easy to misunderstand or take things wrong. If you think you may have misunderstood something or someone may have misunderstood you, clear the air as soon as possible.

***

• There Are People Who Will Hate You Just For Who You Are Or Something You Have Said

I remember the first time I got a really anti-semitic comment on a blog post. I was shocked and shaken. One of the risks you take by putting yourself out there is that people may react or comment in mean and nasty ways. You won’t be able to change them, you need to change the way you react to them and how you let them affect you.

***

• Give It Your Best

This has to do with everything in life. I saw it in blogging in regard to guest posting. No matter where you are guest posting, whether it be a blog with tons of readers or a new blog with fewer readers, make your post the best it can be. Put your best foot forward wherever and whenever you can.

***

• The Better You Get At Something, The More Confident You Get

Okay, duh. Still it was a something I did want to point out. I know how much my writing has improved over this past year. As I have written more, I have gotten better at it and it has gotten easier and faster as well. And obviously, that helps with confidence levels. So much so, that my blogging and writing got me a job doing the writing and managing the website of a company.

***

• Don’t Beat Yourself Up

This kind of ties in with the previous point. Don’t expect perfection when you are starting something new. Give yourself a break.

***

• Don’t Let Yourself Feel Burdened By Having To Do Something

Things you love to do should not be a burden. Do things because you love to do them, not because you feel you have to. (Except if you are my kids and you need to clean up the house. In that case “Fake It till You Make It”.)

I think many bloggers have at some point felt that blogging is a burden.

***

• There Are Amazing People In This World

I have met some truly amazing people online. My original thought for this post was to highlight some of the amazing blogs and people I have met through blogging this past year. Aside from it being a daunting task because there are so many, I didn’t want to mistakenly leave anyone out, so I decided against that idea.

I do want to thank two people who were so generous with their time and advice when I first started out. Vicki at Vegemitevix helped me wade through the monster that is self hosting. She also prevented my heart attack when something I did the blog decided to have a fatal error and disappear. She is also always happy to help out whenever I have any questions (usually grammar).

Heather at A Note From Lapland was also amazing with technical assistance and advice. She also gave me my first guest post opportunity. There are literally hundreds of amazing people I could list now. Since I am too lazy sane, I won’t try to list everyone. I hope you all know how much I value each and every person I connect with.

***

It has been an amazing year for me. A year of firsts, a year of learning, a year of experiencing, a year of breaking out of my comfort zone and a year of connecting.

Thank you so much to all the other bloggers who have inspired me and encouraged me.

And a really big and special thanks to my readers, be it family, friends, other bloggers and people I don’t know.

What have you learned from the world of blogging?

Images:
ONE BIRTHDAY CAKE
© Lemonpink | Dreamstime.com